Lately, this parenting thing has raised more questions than answers. So many questions come up every day that I thought I’d throw up a few to see if any of you might enlighten me. Or, perhaps, you have some questions of your own. Either way, leave a comment and we’ll get through this parenting thing together.
How is it that 5 minute naps in the car means your child will not fall asleep again until Letterman signs off?
Is there a limit to how many times a kid can poop in one day?
Why does your child wait until the guy with the mohawk and the tattoo of a swatsika on his forehead is standing right next to you to ask, “Daddy, why does that man look like that?!”
Why does your child’s extreme need to tell you something always coincide with your need to use the bathroom?
How can the hour before bed time seem like a year and the year between birthdays seem like an hour?
Why do the words, “Daddy, come see what I did!” send chills down my spine?
How can a child who can’t count past 13 know when she’s been short-changed in the snack department?
Why does the three-year-old get to control the remote?
Why do tantrums always seem to occur when you’re running late?
Why can’t both kids get sick at the same time?
When do kids learn to wipe their own butt?
Why don’t marker sets come with extra pink and extra blue pens?
Can ketchup be considered a vegetable?
Why don’t more foods come in the shape of a nugget?
Why don’t upscale restaurants have a Drive-Thru?
Why do the words “Be gentle with the cat” sink in just fine but the words “Don’t hit your brother,” don’t?
Why did the Thomas The Train people name a train Percy? Don’t they know how that sounds from a little boy who has trouble pronouncing his “R’s”?
When will Kelly and Handy Manny finally get it on in the back of the hardware store?
Why do kids always miss the toy the day after you throw it out?
Do kids lack the ability to recognize they’ve seen the same damn episode of [insert any children's television show here] three times in the past five days?
When will I finally get this parenting thing figured out?