before christmas i was off for a day and a half with that flu thing. when i got back my desk was covered in post it's. i couldn't see my screen or most of desk. Barring two they all said in varying forms "Can't print to upstairs printer" "colour printer upstairs isn't working" etc ....
i deleted the 700 pages that were queued waiting to print, went to said printer and loaded it with paper then went to get a cup of tea.
once back in my mainframe days i had an irate user ring up and shout down the phone at me "i keep getting the message 'No data has been input' what the hell does that mean? why can't you people make these messages more understandable?"
i had to pass the phone to a colleague as i felt guffawing down the phone was very unprofessional.
Let me see.
There's the 'E-portal's down' ones. Note that's not a question, that's a teacher telling me that it's down. (when infact there's nothing wrong with it, they just havn't turned on their wireless on their laptop.)
'Is the internet down' is a common one, we don't get that many problems with it, but the sight of one 'page not found' message is enough for some.
'Urgent!!' How many times do I have to tell people, putting that word at the end of your ticket or e-mail does not make me do it any quicker. I prioritise my work, not you!
'I need . . . ' when infact it is not a need, it is a want.
There's loads more, but these few are pretty common.
My favourite is when a student comes in:
Student: i *lost* my password
Standard Response: Where did you see it last?
"The english printer won't print.."..
Can we ping the Jetdirect? No. Why? Bloody english hippies have unplugged it so they could have the radio on..gah..
He asked me if he could keep it as password so he didn't forget it.
Sometime I tell them I've changed their pass to leonardnimoywastheonlymemberoftheoriginalstartrekc asttoappearinthepilotepisode.
I usually get small child appearing in suite with the words
'Miss said can you come straight away the smartboards gone funny'
I have instant vision of smartboard holding court at front of class telling jokes and pulling faces. Small child never understands that if I say it to them!
Yesterday's classic: Spoken to the ICT co -ord when I was standing 2 feet away:
"Can you tell the technician that the computers in the other suite are taking a long time to load...."
So, she turned to me, smiled, and repeated EXACTLY what the person had just said.
And then we both turned and walked away!
Well, no one asked me to do anything about it, did they? (actually I knew why anyway)
Had a call at the start of the week stating the computer was 'making funny noises' - thinking the HD or PSU was on its way out I started it and the fans kicked into action....
" Thats the noise !! " the teacher kindly pointed out. Hmmmmmmmmm.
I'd love to charge money for reseting passwords... I'd be rich!
That's legendary!! I'm telling my boss to get that sorted right away!
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