Tips to (not) get the most out of your IT department

[Lee_K_81]

54. Please tell us 5 minutes after assembly starts that you need the PA System lighting rig, 20 mics. We all have the ability to bend time and space. Where'd you think they got the idea for Hiro Nakamura from.

55. Dont give any notice for anything. Ever. We have an unlimited supply of cameras discs, and any other paraphanalia you could ever need.

56. The server randomly changes peoples passwords so when you are convinced that you havent forgotten it, it's the server feeling a little bit vindictive.

57. Send a kid to fetch us with no more explanation than mrs smith needs you now. Being summoned like a slave does loads for our confidence and makes us want to come and help you.

58. dont check any wires on your laptops connection to the projector. Especially the VGA cable. They all carry huge voltages and you could get electrocuted. Best leave it to a professional.

[Halfmad]

57. Send a kid to fetch us with no more explanation than mrs smith needs you now. Being summoned like a slave does loads for our confidence and makes us want to come and help you.

58. dont check any wires on your laptops connection to the projector. Especially the VGA cable. They all carry huge voltages and you could get electrocuted. Best leave it to a professional.

I had both of those happen yesterday! 8O

[DevilsAdvocate]

57. Send a kid to fetch us with no more explanation than mrs smith needs you now. Being summoned like a slave does loads for our confidence and makes us want to come and help you.

I like this one. Happens atleast once a day!

Rob.

[intrigue]

I had to copy all these they are brilliant.

Thanks for wasting my time fo 5 minutes, god forbid the staff knew i had time to read something funny.

Matt

[witch]

59 Please come and moan at me because you can't get the internet on your laptop - DO tell me it is broken and DON'T under Any circumstances notice that you are logged on locally, not to the network.

[SYNACK]

60 Please do send me panicked emails about that urgent document you saved on your laptop at home that, for some reason hasn't appeared in your documents folder at school.

File synchronization works over telepathy and is routed by magic, honest. You can of course speed up that transfer by telling me about it in caps on your email. Or of course actually plugging the laptop into the network will fix it immediately.

[Halfmad]

61. Moved school or retired? Feel free to continue e-mailing me with your personal PC problems or better still drop buy one of my MP style surgeries that I hold in the local community centre on a tuesday evening (6:30-8:30) where I give advice to any Tom, Dick and Harry that has any question even vaguely I.T. related. Free scones and tea will be supplied.

[Hokalus]

62. If you accidently delete or save over an important piece of work, under no circumstances should you make use of the ‘previous versions’ tab in Windows

63. In the event of #62, please don't ask for a restore immediately, wait at least 3 months then run in demanding a restore 10 minutes before you need it.

64. Mashing the left mouse button over the SIMS.net icon is a sure-fire way to get it to load quicker, especially if it is running an update!

[joe90bass]

65. Please do call us to urgently fix a PC so that every pupil in the class you're babysitting can go online to play games, we love nothing more than urgently fixing PCs so they can be used for non-educational use...............

66. Please do then call us later on in the day to block a games site pupils spent ages finding in your class earlier in the day

[Lee_K_81]

similar to 64 but hey:

67: if a link on a webpage is taking it's time click it again, and again. The browser realises that you're in a hurry and makes it load faster.

68: Google is the internet. If for some reason you cant access google, dont try any other page. It isnt worth it. The whole thing will be down.

69: Yes please. (somebody had to say it!)

70: Got a problem with the crud software you bought. Dont worry we're experts at getting software designed for windows 3.1 to run on XP. If not we'll reprogram it for you.

71: Dont bother saving work. If you close the document and click no to save, we can get it back.

[Halfmad]

72. Feel free to store your personal MP3 collection on our expensive servers, we've got plenty of free space anyway and at least they'll be backed up for when you screw up your own PC.

73. My tools, sorry I meant "our" tools - feel free to borrow them at any time without asking, we're caring, sharing types - heck next time just borrow my car to go home.

74. Leave you're computer logged on, especially when there's pupils around - they can make sure that no dodgy types go near it and trash all of your data.

[joe90bass]

no 74 could be amended to read, ....... heck why not even let them go on your username! All those folders we secured for you aren't really that confidential anyay..........

[Lee_K_81]

not really about staff motivation but i'm running out now.

75: if you visit a site that no longer exists or get a page cannot be displayed error, make sure you click the back button first, before typing in a new url. Returning to a working page increases the likelyhood that your next page will work.

76: forget the address bar just type the exact address you want to go to in the google search bar. Then click on the sponsored link. Google needs money.

back to the main theme

77: if we forget something once, cant fix something, or make a mistake make sure you mention it EVERY time you see us. It reminds us that you are so much better than us.

78: Humiliate us infront of everybody in the staff room. We're only support staff we dont count.

[K.C.Leblanc]

79. We don't need the URL of the web site you want unfiltered. A rough description of what you typed into google to find it is all we need.

80. We're happy to help when you can't work out how to switch on the lights in your class room.

[mrdavies7]

81. Please ask us to get work off your Pen Drive because you haven’t got another copy it. Especially after you put it in the Wash and snapped it.