It's not really something we "celebrate" as such. I tend to go for a card and a small token gift but nothing over the top.
This year though, I'm taking the wife away for the night to Worcester.......however we are taking the baby and step daughter as step daughter has a cheerleading competition on the Saturday.
LeBoyfriend and I were discussing our V-day plans and mutually agreed that going out for dinner was an expense (and calories) we couldn't afford so resolved to stay in and cook something nice then on Friday his father was rushed to hospital. By Saturday lunchtime he was dead. So I'm pretty sure my shell shocked Boyfriend won't even remember what day it is. Not that I mind over much. I just feel very very lonely - it's like my boyfriend isn't even here. Sharing a bed with me seems to irritate him and he keeps telling me to go and be elsewhere in the house - I have to get dressed in another room and creep about the house like I'm not even there. So V-day for us this year is going to be worse than usual. He's taken his fathers death extraordinarily badly and he's isolating himself from everyone. I'm one annoyed huff from moving into the guest room.
My condolences to you both, and I'm sorry it's hit him so hard.
All I can suggest from similar situations of my own is stick with it, give him time, be patient. He'll open up when he feels capable of doing so. Assuming that he wasn't so distant before this and you weren't already feeling lonely, there's no reason to suggest you can't get back on track once he starts to grieve and come to terms with it.
Sorry your V-Day won't go well
LeBoyfriend has taken it very very badly and I'm doing my best to support him and his family through this difficult time but he is actively pushing us all away. I know he needs space to grieve but it feels like a self-perpetuating cycle in that he pushes us all away to magnify his own feelings of grief and loneliness and guilt, then because he feels so terrible he pushes us further away. He needs to break the cycle on his own but he won't - it's almost like he's deliberately destroying himself.
Sorry for unloading on here. I didn't mean to. It's just nice to be able to say some of the things I'm having to keep to myself.
Last edited by AMLightfoot; 13th February 2014 at 10:42 AM.
Sorry to hear this but I understand LeBoyfriend's behaviour completely. I do the same - when my mum died mrwITch tried to comfort me but every time he hugged me I would pull away, take a deep breath and stop crying, and then leave the room.
It is hard on you, I know, but you will just have to wait -he is probably still in shock anyway. You could write him a note and leave it where he will find it when you are not there - it might help.
Does he have any siblings you could talk to? He might want to talk to them - reminiscing is a good way of coming to terms with these things
I hate to be personal on a forum like this but when I was 15 I had to say goodbye to my first crush on Valentines day because they were moving to a different country. Felt awkward at the time and I've never really been a fan of valentines day.
Mr gee40 and I exchange cards for Valentine's Day and celebrate my birthday on the nearest weekend.
Well I'm taking the mrs out to a posh hotel as it is an excuse for her to get dressed up!
I find, personally, it's only once I've broken myself down to the brink that I can begin to rebuild myself to how I need to be. Maybe your boyfriend's the same.
Garacesh here as I'm another one who has to break myself down completely before I can build back up again.
When my Grandad died, I was destroyed. He was a father figure to me growing up and was always the one I'd turn to when I was in trouble. He never judged me, just supported me. We were very close. We found out about a year before he passed that he had cancer. He spent the last two weeks of his life in a hospice and I spent every day with him, including his last.
Over the course of those two weeks, plus about 4 weeks following, I fell in to a deep depression that was not at all helped by the fact I had taken up drinking in a big way. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy; I felt worthless, and I made myself such by being in a constant state of numbness, confusion and drunken stupor.
But there is a silver lining - my girlfriend (who I had already been with for about 4 years at the time) stuck by me through it, despite me trying to push her away. I felt worthless, convinced myself as such and so had it in my mind she was better off without me. Rather than tell her that, which would have given her the opportunity to tell me otherwise, I pushed her away so that it's be her choice to leave, thus "proving" she didn't really love me after all and that I was as worthless as I thought I was. But, she stuck around anyway.
I can't remember exactly what triggered it, but eventually it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was destroying my life and that there was no way my grandad would have wanted that. I stopped drinking, apologised to everyone I had pushed away, and started to figure out my issues (I did this on my own but not because I'm afraid to seek help, just because it's not the first time I've been like that so have developed coping mechanisms over the years).
I suppose what I'm trying to do here by revealing all this is to tell you that LeBF is probably feeling some similar emotions right now. I think it's how a lot of men work; when we feel vulnerable, we become stones. Hang in there though, he will get better and he'll love you all the more for having stood by his side in spite of all this. It will get better
I'm just gonna buy myself a takeaway cury and a few beers in. Very low risk of dissapointment with that plan..
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