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Educational IT Jobs Thread, Covering letter for a job in United Kingdom (UK) Specific Forums; I would still be tempted to remove the bit where your project management comes from the education sector. I dont ...
  1. #16


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    I would still be tempted to remove the bit where your project management comes from the education sector. I dont think it adds any more information to the rest of the paragraph as you have identified your knowledge and experience comes from working with schools and presumably your LA. But not sure what else you could write there sorry

    You've got Deputy Heads twice in the area you can communicate with(second paragraph)

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    nephilim (31st October 2011)

  3. #17

    nephilim's Avatar
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    Dear Sir/Madam

    I am applying for the IT Project Manager position which I found on the recruitment website monster.co.uk.

    I am interested in the role because I enjoy leading projects and being creative within the IT field, and have been successful in a challenging and diverse environment and would like to expand into the private sector. I am attracted to the position because it offers a vibrant and challenging environment which is the type of environment where I work best.

    The experience of project management and implementation of internal systems gained can show I have the ability to instigate new frameworks, systems, relevant purchasing and budget control, and technical documentation. Along with this, I have helped in a variety of establishments in project management of building up the networks from scratch and assisting with the infrastructures. I can bring a variety of strengths to the role such as knowledge of wired and wireless technologies, various operating systems as well as a variety of different aspects of the IT field.

    I have gained a wealth of experience in industry and along with this knowledge I have developed a thirst for problem solving. I have become very self motivated to finding solutions to an array of issues, plus I have been able to communicate my methodologies to a large group of people, ranging from Senior School Leadership (Heads of Department, Business Managers/Bursars, Deputy Headteachers, Headteachers and Governors) to a Technical Director, Army Personnel (Ranging from Lieutenant to Major) and an MP.

    Should I be considered for an interview, I am available at 48 hours' notice. Many thanks for your time and I look forward to hear from you soon.

    Yours faithfully
    How are we looking?

  4. #18

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    You do know a name though right? You aren't going to put Sir/Madam??
    Is this to a company or a recruitment agency?
    "I have become very self-motivated to finding solutions" doesn't actually make sense - maybe " and have worked to find solutions t...." or "have enjoyed finding solutions to.."
    It is a range you have communicated to, not a large group (images of neph standing in front of thousands declaiming madly come to mind!).
    I could do this all day!!!
    (Oh yeah, I used to, and then I started doing this lark- remind me why that was again???)

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    nephilim (31st October 2011)

  6. #19

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    Dear Mr Jackson

    I am applying for the IT Project Manager position which I found on the recruitment website monster.co.uk.

    I am interested in the role because I enjoy leading projects and being creative within the IT field, and have been successful in a challenging and diverse environment and would like to expand into the private sector. I am attracted to the position because it offers a vibrant and challenging environment which is the type of environment where I work best.

    The experience of project management and implementation of internal systems gained can show I have the ability to instigate new frameworks, systems, relevant purchasing and budget control, and technical documentation. Along with this, I have helped in a variety of establishments in project management of building up the networks from scratch and assisting with the infrastructures. I can bring a variety of strengths to the role such as knowledge of wired and wireless technologies, various operating systems as well as a variety of different aspects of the IT field.

    I have gained a wealth of experience in industry and along with this knowledge I have developed a thirst for problem solving. I have become very self motivated and have enjoyed finding solutions to an array of issues, plus I have been able to communicate my methodologies to a range of people, from Senior School Leadership (Heads of Department, Business Managers/Bursars, Deputy Headteachers, Headteachers and Governors) to a Technical Director, Army Personnel (Ranging from Lieutenant to Major) and an MP.

    Should I be considered for an interview, I am available at 48 hours' notice. Many thanks for your time and I look forward to hear from you soon.

    Yours faithfully
    I know the name of the person, but and it is fixed as per tips! Any more?

  7. #20

    CESIL's Avatar
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    "48 hours notice" should be "48 hours' notice" (apostrophe after the s)
    Is that right? I don't think it is and it certainly doesn't look right...

  8. #21

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    How about ...
    Dear Sir/Madam

    I am applying for the IT Project Manager position which I found on the recruitment website monster.co.uk.

    I am interested in the role because I enjoy leading projects and being creative within the IT field. Having been successful in a challenging and diverse environment, I would like to expand into the private sector. I am attracted to the position because it offers a range of vibrant and challenging work, which is the type of environment where I thrive.

  9. Thanks to GrumbleDook from:

    nephilim (31st October 2011)

  10. #22
    sdc
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    Quote Originally Posted by CESIL View Post
    Is that right? I don't think it is and it certainly doesn't look right...
    I'm fairly sure it's correct - I proofread quite a bit (for "fun"!), sometimes for a UK publisher. Also, see Problems with apostrophes - the section starting "Timing".

  11. #23

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    so far so good

    Dear Mr Jackson

    I am applying for the IT Project Manager position which I found on the recruitment website monster.co.uk.

    I am interested in the role because I enjoy leading projects and being creative within the IT field. Having been successful in a challenging and diverse environment, I would like to expand into the private sector. I am attracted to the position because it offers a range of vibrant and challenging work, which is the type of environment where I thrive.

    The experience of project management and implementation of internal systems gained can show I have the ability to instigate new frameworks, systems, relevant purchasing and budget control, and technical documentation. Along with this, I have helped in a variety of establishments in project management of building up the networks from scratch and assisting with the infrastructures. I can bring a variety of strengths to the role such as knowledge of wired and wireless technologies, various operating systems as well as a variety of different aspects of the IT field.

    I have gained a wealth of experience in industry and along with this knowledge I have developed a thirst for problem solving. I have become very self motivated and have enjoyed finding solutions to an array of issues, plus I have been able to communicate my methodologies to a range of people, from Senior School Leadership (Heads of Department, Business Managers/Bursars, Deputy Headteachers, Headteachers and Governors) to a Technical Director, Army Personnel (Ranging from Lieutenant to Major) and an MP.

    Should I be considered for an interview, I am available at 48 hours' notice. Many thanks for your time and I look forward to hear from you soon.

    Yours faithfully

  12. #24

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    As you know the name shouldn't you end with sincerely?

    Ben

  13. #25

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    Feel free to ignore most of this advice, as I'm only picking at it from a grammar point of view rather than being a Witch-type recruitment genius, but having just read through a raft of applications for a job here I know what I'd pick up on as I read it from the recruiter's point of view.

    I am applying for the IT Project Manager position which I found on the recruitment website monster.co.uk.
    I'd switch this to "I am applying for the IT Project Manager position as found on the recruitment website monster.co.uk." Otherwise it reads a bit like "I am doing this because I did this and I blah and I whatever" - and being a covering letter, you are talking about yourself, so cutting down on using "I" wherever you can will help it read better. To my mind, at least, feel free to disagree.

    I am interested in the role because I enjoy leading projects and being creative within the IT field, and have been successful in a challenging and diverse environment and would like to expand into the private sector. I am attracted to the position because it offers a vibrant and challenging environment which is the type of environment where I work best.
    I'd strip out the opening part because of course you're interested in the role, you're applying for it. Just start with "I enjoy leading...". In a similar vein, "I am attracted to the position because..." can change to "I feel this role offers the vibrant and challenging environment that brings out the best in me" - there is a better way of phrasing that last bit but my head can't come up with it at the moment, you get the drift anyway. "that I excel in", "that I flourish in" etc.

    My experience of project management and implementation of internal systems comes from the Education Sector where I have worked in two schools and instigated two new frameworks, systems, relevant purchasing and budget control, and technical documentation. Along with this, I have helped in a variety of other schools in project management of building up the networks from scratch and assisting with the infrastructures. I can bring a variety of strengths to the role such as knowledge of wired and wireless technologies, various operating systems as well as a variety of different aspects of the IT field.
    I'd be tempted to add a line something like "The education sector operates on very tight budgets and creative solutions often have to be found to meet the needs of all stakeholders within time and monetary constraints."

    I have gained a wealth of experience in industry and along with this knowledge I have developed a thirst for problem solving. I have become very self motivated to finding solutions to an array of issues, plus I have been able to communicate my methodologies to a large group of people, ranging from Senior School Leadership (Heads of Department, Deputy Headteachers, Business Managers/Bursars, Deputy Headteachers, Headteachers and Governors) to a Technical Director, Army Personnel (Ranging from Lieutenant to Major) and an MP.
    "I have become very self motivated to finding solutions to an array of issues" makes it sound like you weren't self-motivated in the first place - better to just say "I am very self-motivated...". Similar misgivings apply to "I have developed a thirst..." - that sentence seems a bit unnecessarily wordy overall, actually.
    There's not much need for the long list of who senior management are - if you still want it there, strip it down to three items with an etc., but it's fine to just remove it altogether. "Senior Management" is a fairly self explantory phrase, anyway, they won't care for the specifics, and it is again reminding them that you came from education, in line with Witch's advice above.
    In fact, let's just go for a rewrite here:
    "I have gained a wealth of experience over years in the industry and alongside my thirst for problem solving and my strong self motivation I am able to find solutions to a large array of issues, communicating my methodologies and reasoning to a broad range of users including Senior Management, Technical Directors ,Army Personnel and an MP."

    Should I be considered for an interview, I am available at 48 hours notice. Many thanks for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.

    Yours Faithfully

    Hope some of that helps and my reasoning isn't based too much on my personal biases and pet peeves! And good luck


    EDIT: I spent ages on this and kept getting distracted so my quotes are a bit out of sync, but you get my drift anyway (hopefully)
    Last edited by sonofsanta; 31st October 2011 at 11:36 AM.

  14. #26

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    Quote Originally Posted by plexer View Post
    As you know the name shouldn't you end with sincerely?

    Ben
    Yes, that's right.

    I would put something like 'as you can see from my CV, the experience gained through prevous employment should fit your needs suitably' rather than listing it all. I was always advised to write the covering letter to interest them enough to get you to the interview so you could sell yourself there.
    Just my opinion....

  15. #27

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    Should I be considered for an interview, I am available at 48 hours' notice. Many thanks for your time and I look forward to hear from you soon.
    hearing

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    Personally, I'd remove the 'should I be considered' - too negative - think positive - Just put 'I am available for interview at 48 hours' notice.'

  17. #29

    nephilim's Avatar
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    Thanks but its been done and dusted. Please check PMs.

  18. #30

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    i think its all ok.
    good luck!
    Quote Originally Posted by nephilim View Post
    Does this sound ok? I have knocked it up this evening and will send it tomorrow afternoon.

    All help, comments etc appreciated.



    All posts with constructive criticisms will be thanked and/or rep'd

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